Put Down That Key Lime Pie!

What, you thought you were finally feeling comfortable with your body?  A few extra Fig Newtons never hurt anybody, right?  Well take a look at these glamazons teetering down the runway in sky high ankle busters and get ready to re-embrace anorexia!!  But not bulimia, nobody likes puke breath.  Excuse me while I snack on my flavored water and a Tic Tac.

School & Beer & Regurgitated Raviolis (Perhaps)...

Hmmm, so it was a 3-alarm-drunk weekend, Frankie!  Friday night, Saturday afternoon, and Sunday afternoon.  I don't know what I was thinking!  When I got to class Monday night, I was still in such a haze I could barely concentrate.  (On a side note, the bus that I took after class had apparently stopped in Crazy Town because there were some REAL CHARACTERS on that mug.)  I'm sitting at the bar on Saturday afternoon doing the whole barstool dancing thing and this lady (Renee?) was looking at me like I had lost my damn mind.  Either that or she was wondering why there were triplets moving in synchronized motions next to her.  I hope it was amusing.  The only thing that stood out about Sunday was the back brace/corset/truss/girdle tightening incident involving huge breasts and a 1940's chapeau...

I went to see "The Crucible" on campus Thursday night.  I know, right?  Me going somewhere other than the bar?  I was very impressed and was barely holding it together by the end.  I could feel the emotion program booting up and struggled to override it!  I was taking notes during the performance because we had a paper to write on it for Humanities.  That was an effort because I didn't want to stop watching long enough to write down whatever scribbling I was doing.  The paper turned out to be my wishy-washy commentary on nobody's politics in particular and how the play could've been written about today's political state, but I plan on doing a second one for our final that focuses on the performances and how great I thought the whole effort was.

All of the actors were skinnier than me!!!  No Cakesters today!  If I hadn't already eaten those raviolis and meatballs, I'd save them for tomorrow (perhaps a purging?).  And I know actors are in general going to be a lot cuter than your average schlubs, but I thought this was a particularly easy-on-the-eyes cast, particularly the one playing Putnam, Spencer Steeby (even a great name!).

Frankie, you MUST make it out in order to see Red Line Ron's new glass eye!

Pop Culture Moment...

Did US Weekly really include a photo of Jess looking square-waisted on page 28, only to turn around on page 34 showing her in THE SAME DRESS AT THE SAME EVENT looking much slimmer?  Incredible.  Luckily, I only read that magazine for the weight loss advertisements or else I'd think they were trying to understand estimate my intelligents.

Also, some other staleness spotted while I was getting caught up on a backlog of magazines.  The Witches of Secaucus  or some other manner of unusual looking human female animals and a heifer on the loose.

Doing My Part For The Obesity Movement

So here we have my breakfast, Frankie.  Yes!  Two hotlinks and a 2 liter of Pepsi!!!  I was telling Leo that I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the bus window and I looked like a Pez dispenser.  I've decided that I may have overdone the weight loss thing.  Huge heads don't look right on skinny bodies.  I even got off my lazy butt and picked up my dumbbells for the first time in months.  OUCH!!

Almost done with school this semester!  Another couple of weeks and I'll never have to look at those idjits in my Business group project again!  I'm bracing myself for a B in that class.  I want to take Math 125 over the summer so I can get caught up to regular college mathematics but I would have to take it on a different campus.  I suppose that would be fine but you know how I hate mixing up my routine!

If you get a second, Google Cliff Jensen (Oooo, that sailor hat!  Take me, Jeebus!) and tell me...am I crazy or is this the Sexiest Man Alive?  Him and Tommy Defendi are running neck and neck as my ultimate stalk/kidnap/taxidermy victim.  What?

Make sure you check out the story about Obama releasing his fake birth certificate and how Trump mistakenly thinks he is the Hero of America when all he did was force Obama to rush out and get this forgery made so he could quell the storm of patriotic intelligentsia who were rightly convinced that the state of Hawaii pulled off a 46 year conspi...wait, how old is Obama?...a 40+ year conspiracy to get this man elected just to piss off the whole of the New Confederacy.  Was that a run-on sentence?  Cakesters!

Two Photos

When Sam gave me this photo of me and Charles, he asked if I remembered taking it.  I laughed as he and I both know that I have no clue when this was taken.  I do appreciate them angling the shot to make me look my skinniest.  Ray & Charles at The Spotlight.

Notice in the reflection...am I grabbing Charles in an inappropriate way?

Secondly, we have the current condition of my legs.  Clumsiness.  I have to say, the one on my right leg hurt like a bitch!  The ashy legs, on the other hand, are just a product of pure laziness/don't-care-itude.

IS NOBODY GOING TO SAY IT?!

In addition to be dull and lifeless, Britney Spears is fat.  Jessica Simpson would've caught hell coming out squeezed into an outfit like this.  It's no wonder she couldn't dance, she was just trying to breathe, for Christ's sake.  She's fatter here than she was on that infamous VMA "performance" with the bad weave and blue contacts.

As my penance for this post, I am forced to eat nothing but dry Cheerios for the next two days until I lose the spare tire around my waist...oh yeah, and I have to eat these dry Cheerios while watching Lidia's Italy. **mouth begins watering**

An Experiment In Masochism

I think I will read the new copy of Details while watching "A Taste of History" on PBS which features slabs of meat and real butter and the like and then top it off by snacking on 1/2 price Valentine's candy while watching Danell Leyva and his perfect body perfect his pommel horse routine.  After that, I will stand naked in front of the mirror and wonder aloud why my body doesn't look like these guys' bodies and curse Teh God for not instantly transforming me into a brick house.  Then I'll go out and have 10 beers.

Danell...whew...

You Can Have Your Pie And Eat It Too...But You'll Regret It.

Fashion For Anorexics

New t-shirt design, the crazed hungry anorexic.  Perfect for the male/female model in your life.  Or vain queens.